Marriage isn’t hard, life is

Interesting timing – my “Life’s Little Instruction Calendar” agrees that life is hard.

I often hear people say “marriage is hard.” I disagree. I’m not saying my marriage is perfect, but with the ups and downs our family has experienced the past few years, I’ve realized that marriage isn’t hard, life is. You can be cruising along, then something knocks you off course. The success or failure of your relationship is dependent on the way you deal with the hard times. If you can work together (and it is a lot of work!) to get through the rough patches, there is a good chance you’ll still be together when life is good again.

After years in a stable job with the Padres, Chase took a chance to join a startup company soon after we got married. Then he was laid off. Twice. I did some contract work on top of my day job, while he looked for work. I edited his cover letters and helped him search every night. We were stressed about money, but worked together to get through it.

Chase got a new job, we had Clay and things were great until we had five family members die in a year (the year I lost my dad). Before my dad died 15 days after Avery was born, life was going well. I had this beautiful family and then one late night phone call changed everything. I felt that the rug was pulled out from under me, leaving me lying in a heap on the floor (literally). But Chase was there to pick me up.

Recently we hit another speed bump. I was told there was a good chance I’d be losing my job, if my company was acquired by a larger firm. Jobs come and go, and this loss is nothing compared to losing my father, but it would be a loss of identity and security. It caused second-guessing of life decisions and incited panic that I wouldn’t be able to help support my family. I was unsure of my fate for several weeks before I found out that my job is safe. I didn’t sleep well at night and being in a state of limbo is terrible, but at least Chase was there with me.

Things are looking up again. We’re heading out of town to see old friends and the next few months are filled with other fun activities. We’re cruising along until life’s next challenge. This time we’ll be ready, because life is hard! Being married to Chase is not.


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